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Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening.  https://bullyingnoway.gov.au

My world seems so small.

My mind unable to think of anything else,

Constantly suffocating within the invisible brick wall of self-doubt created by bullying.

The reason for the persecution becomes your greatest sensitivity, fear, and embarrassment. Also, your reason for persecution becomes your last domain of achieving self-acceptance.

It becomes part of your fabric, and you view it as a stain.

It feels impossible to be able to achieve viewing yourself as living in any other different way.

The pain protects me from what I have never known.  How vulnerable am I if I attempt to confront it?

A bullied person’s view is that there is only one way out from my insecurity, and that is to achieve one outcome, rectifying the insecurities that is the target of the bullying.  It is seen as the key that unlocks my lifetime of being caged with despair. However, If your one outcome is physically related; your eyes and mind will always view you in the same way regardless of what changes you make.

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There are four types of bullying behaviour – verbal, emotional, physical, and social:‍

• Verbal bullying which includes name calling or insulting someone about physical characteristics such as their weight or height, or other attributes including race, sexuality, culture, or religion.
• Emotional Bullying is often an invisible type of abuse. It can be almost impossible for people outside the interpersonal interaction to identify. Covert bullying can include repeatedly using hand gestures and weird or threatening looks, whispering, excluding, or turning your back on a person, restricting where a person can sit and who they can talk with.  The abuse is often disguised and intended to; destroy your confidence and result in the person attaining your obedience.  It can be neglect, blackmail, power-plays, non-verbal language control, lack of recognition, etc.  It usually results in being too scared to make the wrong move or think independently.
• Physical bullying which includes hitting or otherwise hurting someone, shoving, or intimidating another person, or damaging or stealing their belongings.
• Social bullying which includes consistently excluding another person or sharing information or images that will have a harmful effect on the other person.

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If any of these behaviours occur only once or are part of a conflict between equals (no matter how inappropriate) they are not bullying. The behaviours alone don't define bullying.

Verbal, emotional, physical, and social bullying can occur in person or online, directly (between person’s involved), or indirectly (inflicts harm on a person’s reputation, peer social, or professional connections), overtly (In front of others), or covertly (Hidden).

Bullying can happen anywhere. It can happen at home, at work, or at school - it can happen to anyone. Bullying can occur between students, staff, neighbours, so-called friends, and parents/carers.

Information adapted from:  https://bullyingnoway.gov.au

Don’t let a negative, the unfair treatment from others, punish you for a lifetime. This only results in justifying why they did it, which is to make themselves look, and feel better. There is sometimes fear that; the bullying will intensify, you will be judged, become further persecuted, your confidentiality will be breached, or there is no way out.  

Bullying can be best described as being like an atomic explosion of the mind. So strong that it can influence the development of healthy neuro-pathways in our brain, and bullying can have a devastating impact on every area of our lives until the day we die.  It stops us from being who we want to be!

When finding a professional to support a person who is being bullied, it is essential that they find the right person who provides them with comfort, who they feel trust with, and who respects their views and feelings.  Counsellors and Psychotherapists are not ‘a one size fits all’ type of profession.  Finding the right person can unfortunately take a number of attempts, and as a result this can put many people off finding support, which leaves them alone to deal with their stress.  It is important to remember to stop the escalation of the potential negative outcomes that can arise from bullying, professional support can help you reach recovery.

There are many benefits in accessing a private counsellor or psychotherapist that are far extended from where the bullying takes place.  Dave Wells Therapies offers this service, and where possible he will collaborate and work in partnership with other identified service providers and supports.

It is also important to acknowledge that where a private counsellor, or psychotherapist is not found to be suitable, it is extremely important for the bullied person to reach out for help from other sources.  The following are some contact details to help you achieve this.

Get help and more information:

Help from someone you know…… You don't need to be alone with bullying. There are people who can listen and help. It is really important to tell someone who can help. 

‍You can talk to:

• A teacher, guidance officer, or school counsellor.

• A manager, HR Department, or someone in the workplace that you trust.
• Someone in your family – aunt, uncle, grandparent.
• A friend who could help you.

If things don't get better after you've told someone, tell them again or tell a different person. There is always someone who can help.

Someone else to talk to…… If you want to talk to someone else about what's happening, you can contact:

• Kids Helpline (1800551800)     provides a free, private and confidential, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged between 5 and 25 and helpful information about relationship topics.
• ReachOut.com (https://au.reachout.com) provides an online youth mental health service and information, stories and a support network of other young people who have been through tough personal situations.
• eheadspace (https://headspace.org.au/eheadspace/) also offers online chat or email support services for young people aged 12–25, as well as their family and     friends.  You can call them on 1800 650 890. it's a free call.     The eheadspace team are available between 9am – 1am (AEDT) 7 days a week.

Workplace Bullying: If you are experiencing bullying or harassment at your workplace, you can talk to:

-         A supervisor or manager.

-         Your company’s EAP (Employee Assistance Provider).

-         A health and safety representative.

-         Your State or Territory workplace health and safety body.

-         The human resources department.

-         A union in your industry.

-         Fair Work Commission.

-         The Australian Human Rights Commission (AHRC). The AHRC accepts complaints of workplace bullying, harassment, or discrimination based on a person's race, sex, age, sexual orientation, religion, or disability under federal laws.

·     If a person under 18 has experienced serious online bullying, the material can be reported to the eSafety Commissioner. Their site also provides information on how to report online bullying directly (https://www.esafety.gov.au/report/cyberbullying).

·     The National Centre Against Bullying (https://www.ncab.org.au/) has tips about how to deal with bullying.

·     The Australian Psychology Society's page on Parenting guide to helping children managing conflict, aggression, and bullying, provides advice and strategies for parents (https://www.psychology.org.au/for-the-public/Psychology-topics/Bullying).

·     Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gay Students (PFLAG) is an international peer support group that has been operating in Australia for over 30 years (https://pflagaustralia.org.au/).