Diverse Sexual Activities, Paraphilia’s And Fetishes
People can be fearful about putting big things inside of their vaginas or anuses, and rightfully so. The idea of putting an over-size dildo, a large/thick penis, or even an entire fist inside of you can be very intimidating.Fisting, in particular, seems to be shrouded in a unique kind of taboo, which is unfortunate — if people knew more about the sex practice, more people who fantasise about it would be able to experience enjoyment. If the idea of fisting is intriguing to you, there's no reason to let fear or sex negativity stop you from trying it out. You just need to learn exactly what it entails and how to prepare for it.
When insertion of the hand or arm into the vagina or rectum:
- Fisting should not be painful.
- If it is painful - the arse is not ready or you may not be in the right mind-set (e.g. comfort with the partner, lack of trust, etc.). Usually a mental barrier will be the main reason.
- It is vital to respect your body’s limits - know when to stop.
- Communication – verbal and non-verbal are is extremely important when it comes to fisting.
- Flood of endorphins – proteins with strong analgesic (painkilling) qualities are realised in the person receiving.
- Surprisingly fisting is a very emotional act
- Sufficient preparation, care & precautions are necessary for personal safety.
For some it’s the most intense erotic experience
- Often described as extreme intimacy - merging with my partner or becoming at one with the universe; so fisting is all about feelings.
- On this page are tips about regarding safety , hygiene, and preparation. These will assist you to take control when it comes to fisting.
- Fisting itself is not high risk of HIV although transmission can occur if the person doing the fisting has open wounds on the hand and bleeding occurs.
Fisting in the anus is not only an activity performed by gay men – as with all sex activity there are people who enjoy anal sex and play regardless of their sexual orientation. The prostate when rubbed can cause intense sexual stimulation to the male, and often is referred to as the “male g-spot”.Due to the hand being a large object in the anus, it is very difficult not to feel it rubbing your prostate and gives reason to why many men who are into this activity describe it as having an internal orgasm, and therefore the most intense orgasm a man can experience.If you are interested in exploring fisting, here are some tips to increase the likelihood of success:
For the Receptive Partner:
- What you eat and drink in the days prior to fisting is important
- A relaxed and calm mood is essential
- Douching prior - clean out – but do not over-do it or it can become too dry.
- After cleaning allow time to relax and unload any retained water. This will allow the anal mucus to re-balance.
- Preparation via diet & other factors can make a huge difference when being fisted.
For the partner performing the activity:
- Fingernails they must be filed down
- Make sure that there are no sharp edges.
- Rings and watches should be removed.
- Dry skin, scabs can cause damage and be uncomfortable for the receiver
- Gloves – protect you both if you are concerned about transmission of HIV.
For both Partners:
- Relax together beforehand
- Build intimacy and trust.
- Unlimited amount of time – fisting is rarely a quick type of activity.
- Don’t be goal centric – enjoy the journey.
- Having the proper mindset is essential for fisting. (e.g. Relaxed)
- How much you get in – isn’t the point!
- Never feel compelled to go further than you want, or feel you able to go.
- Don’t try to impress your partner
- Penile intercourse after fisting isn’t a good idea due to the potential of damage to occur. Penile intercourse first, then fist, or alternatively fist and intercourse separately.
- Learn from experienced players.
- Entry is the challenge – learning a good entry technique is vital.
- Getting a hand in – can be a mind blowing experience – especially for newer fisting bottoms – be prepared for it!
- Receivers should remember to breathe deeply and slowly – relax, relax, relax.
Get out – Get out – Get out
- It is common to have the need to stop immediately upon insertion.
- Deep breathing - followed a deliberately slow withdrawal is the safest – never pull your hand out quickly. Nor should the bottom push it out quickly.
- Keep in mind that for people who are new to the experience– you may not get back in again during this session & that’s OK.
- Inserters – should keep their movement to a minimum – if in doubt – slow down or stop. Over-movement is sure way to tear rectal tissue & cause injury. It will help with insertion if the receiver focuses on breathing slowly & deeply and remains relaxed.
- In the case of anal-fisting, the muscles initially take the action of expelling what’s in it – Through relaxing and breathing as you are pushing out through the anus, the muscles expand allowing for easier insertion. If you have douched prior then you know that pushing out isn’t going to result in passing faeces. Just let the process take its own time.
Afterward engaging in the activity:
- Give your anus or vagina at least a couple of days to recover.
- Don’t douche
- If you feel any cramping, rumbling, or other gas pain – you can try; no-strain toilet techniques and high fibre diet.
- But if you have any ongoing discomfort or pain – get yourself to a Doctor. Remember: Discussing your participation in fisting can make you feel very vulnerable which usually results in dealing with the problem yourself. A doctor is trained for all possibilities that effect the health of a person and if you receive a bad reaction then it’s time to find yourself a new doctor.
How far you get depends on any numbers of factors including:
- How experienced you are
- Current level of stress in your life
- Level of fatigue
- General Health
- Degree of comfort with your partner
Lubricants:It is best that you utilise a lot of lubricant for fisting to allow for the fist to slide easier and minimise any damage done. Some people have allergies to particular lubricants, and some experience a burning sensation. There are a number of different lubricants in the market, including some that are organic. Prior to engaging in being fisted, it is best to ensure that you have a lubricant handy that is proven as beneficial for you personally.
A sex toy is an object or device that is primarily used to facilitate human sexual pleasure. Many popular sex toys are designed to resemble human genitals, and may be vibrating or non-vibrating. The term sex toy can be broadly used to define any object or apparatus that brings or enhances sexual pleasure. Sex toys are most commonly sold at a sex shop/adult book store, but they may also be sold in a pharmacy/chemist store, a sex venue, or sometimes in a department store. Today's sex toys are available for all people regardless of gender.Sex toys are also utilised therapeutically by sexual therapists and medical professions to assist people who have conditions that inhibit their sexual enjoyment.Basically there are few types of toys or aids for use in the arse or vagina. These include:
- The Dildo
- The Butt Plug
- Other: Such as Sensation Toys
Many people who try dildo’s for anal pleasure report that they find dildo’s uncomfortable or feel they are too inanimate for their tastes. Sex toys can be useful in helping us to experience and understand how our bodies respond to different things and find out what sensations we enjoy and those we don’t. Dildo’s come in many varieties, some have bases, and some don’t. Other ones have pronounced ridges and veins that transmit sensations of pleasure via the anal sphincters. Some dildos are wider, longer and thicker. These tap into the sensation of bulk and girth in the rectum. Different people like different sensations – for some it’s the shapes and ridges on the sphincters, for others it’s bulk in the rectum, and for others its length and like toys that can reach right up to the sigmoid colon. Regardless of your sexual orientation, people enjoy using dildos. Some will use them when they are alone to help to self-satisfy, some enjoy them being used on them, or using one on their partner.
Different Types of Dildos:
- Glass: Best for temperature play and hard stimulation
- Silicone: Usually flexible for easier stimulation
- Large Dildo: Gives the feeling of being stretched and full
- Suction cup: Allows you to ride your dildo and get into more positions
- Double Ended: Double penetration, flexible and ideal for those who like the full feeling
- Metal: Ideal for temperature play and more rigid stimulation
- Non-Realistic: (tentacles, Alien, Bubbles, g-spot) -Perfect if you want something with no anatomy and ideal to experiment with different role-play scenarios
Vibrators were originally created as massage tools, and were then adapted for vaginal use and in the modern day men have also learnt to utilise them for sexual pleasure. Regardless of your gender, vibrators can be an enjoyable tool use to enhance sexual pleasure.When utilised in the anal region, it is important to remember that most vibrators have no base, and can vibrate up into the rectum, when this happens the sphincters can close over the end, making them difficult to remove though not impossible.Before using a vibrator on yourself or your sex partner, it is best to firstly discover how it works. Some need to have the battery charged before first use and if it takes batteries, figure out what kind.Play with the buttons and switches and find out how many speeds and settings it has. Wash your vibrator well before using it. If it isn’t waterproof, be careful not to get any water near the battery case or charging mechanism. Check for sharp edges or seams (these can be easily filed down and made safe). Make sure the body of the vibrator isn’t coming apart from the battery pack and that all wires are solid and secure. If there are any flaws, return your vibrator before you use it.Women who use vibrators do so for clitoral stimulation and many women report that one side -- or even one portion -- of their clitoris responds to vibration more than another.Men who use vibrators do to stimulate their prostate gland which gives them intense pleasure. Finding the prostate requires self-exploration. The prostate is in the middle of the pelvis and toward the belly. It is about two to three inches in the male rectum. The prostate gland size is similar to that of the walnut and chestnut.Tips for both Dildos and VibratorsThe easiest way to keep dildos and vibrators clean is to put a new condom on the toy each time. If you have silicone anal dildo toys, you can boil them in water for 2 to 5 minutes. Remember to wash your hands after cleaning toys. For other sex toys, soap and water is sufficient to clean them.The Best Dildo and Vibrator Sex Positions:To get the most from your dildo or vibrator you need to be in the best position for you, you may find different dildos and vibrators require you to be indifferent positions but in general, it is best to find your favourite dildo and vibrator sex position for ultimate pleasure and comfortability.On Your Back
- With your legs bent and up in the air, lean forward and thrust the dildo or vibrator inside of you whilst on your back.
- You can also twist to one side and insert the dildo or vibrator whilst you are on your side which makes the vagina or anus slightly tighter but it does feel great if you like the filling sensation.
On All Fours
- This one is great if you can secure your dildo or vibrator to your headboard or even if you just self-stimulate your dildo or vibrator gives you pleasure from this position.
Sitting (Chair, Sofa, Bed)
- Sitting in an upright position with your legs slightly bent lowering yourself on the dildo or vibrator allows you to experience a deep filling sensation. It is easy to reach a woman’s G-spot, or rub against the prostate in this position, and it’s an awesome position to be in if your partner likes to watch.
Butt plugs can intensify and lengthen orgasms so whether you’re giving or receiving oral sex or masturbating, there are lots of opportunities for mind blowing pleasure. As soon as you insert the butt plug, the pleasure process begins with the stimulation of hundreds of delicate nerve endings. During oral sex or masturbation, combining genital and anal stimulation delivers a whole new realm of pleasure. As you climax, the pelvic muscles contract around the anal plug to deliver a sheet clutching climax.Some butt plugs come with special features, for example: A variance of Sizes, ridges (to excite the sphincters), Chains (to attach the butt plug to something to that it cannot disappear into the arse), and wide bases (to prevent the butt plug travelling all the way into the rectum. If they go all the way in they are difficult to get out with lubed fingers.Tips:
- Always start small and use ample lube and only leave in for a short time
- They are designed to ‘plug’ your ‘butt’ so you will definitely feel full
- Re-lube often as your rectum will absorb moisture from the lube, so if you leave it in too long you might find it dry as you attempt to remove it, causing discomfort!
There are so many varied sex toys, too many to list on this web page. Many finding sex toys embarrassing and their use can come with stigma, however people learn about sex from our earliest sexual partners and many of us carry on learning as we grow in experience. Toys and other sex aids are there to help us identify the feelings and responses that suit us best.If you are new to sex and anal sex, or lack experience, playing alone with toys, or with a partner can help to overcome some of our anxieties about what is happening to us whilst maintaining control.From a position of knowledge we are better equipped to ask for what we want from our sexual partners, increasing the chance of getting the sexual pleasure we want from our sexual encounters.What makes a good toy for anal and vaginal sex?
- No rough edges
- Non breakable
- Flanged (flared at the base) or attached to a string
- Cleaning out
- Lube, lube and more lube
- Slowly – Slowly
- Play with yourself – to gain understanding of your own limits – before allowing someone else to play with your limits
- At all times – you have control – do not lose it!
The don’ts around toys:
- Never ever use toys that might be able to slip all the way into the rectum - You may end up in the emergency department.
- Do not share toys with partners who you do not know their sexual health status. If they tell you that they are all clear for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), they might have said the same to a different person yesterday – How well do you really know your partner?
- Do not ever use sharp objects – leave household utensils where they are.
- That succulent cucumber, carrot or banana might look appealing – if it slips inside you – how will you get it out?
- Steer clear of objects that can create a vacuum
- Non-tapered cylinders - shaving cream cans
- Blunt or flat ended objects - create a vacuum
- Getting the above items back out of your anus or vagina can be difficult – at the very least you’ll end up with a sore, scraped skin, and possibly bloodied hole.
Wash your toys before & after use
- Even if you’ve used a condom over them
- Many oil based lubes (such as Crisco) – damage toys
- Lube itself can provide a medium for bacteria to grow
- Anti-Bacterial Liquid Soap – Scrub for at least 2 minutes
- Soaking in 1part bleach & 10 parts water 10 – 30 minutes
- HIV, some of the other STIs and Hep C can be transmitted through sharing unprotected sex toys.
- Wash the toy after each use and use a fresh condom for each person sharing the toy.
Remember: Sharing sex toys can transmit sexually transmitted infections (including hepatitis C). If sharing sex toys use separate condom for each person’s use is preferable.